apprehensions

somehow i found the will to go on

and let go of all that bound me to that old hearth...

i was not to be disappointed in my decision;

as i found you waiting outside the next road...

you looked happy in your dazzling attire,

but shed a small tear on my tattered look...

could you ever imagine how happy i was, though;

it was my resolve to find a new road to tread on

that made you all the more happy and dazzling...

i could have taken you along and remained happy

for all the time that is left of this resurrected body.

but i would never be so selfish and greedy

so as to keep you away from your loved ones...

i know how you cherish and love them

and have remained their pillar of strength...

they would, certainly, go astray in your absence.

that apprehension made me run a long run

it was devoid of fun, frolic and invigoration...

and i have learned my lessons the hard way...

may be i should stop believing what i only apprehend

because i am again running a lonely race......

........dedicated to the SAD phase of everybody's life...

meeting my death

Edit
i happen to meet my death!!!
by Aasif Khanday on Monday, August 8, 2011 at 4:59am

there was a moment: of exasperation

and of a feeling as if i saw death looking down at my face...

that moment came, after a long night's sleep

when normally i should have been feeling soberer-

than any other night where i switch my sides a hundred time-

but i felt the urge to go back to sleep...

to that world, where there is all so black and white-

but yes, sometimes my dreams are in color also

though blurred, shady and entertaining miserly-

and mostly i get to play by my own rules...

i would visit a place and not worry about money;

i would go out with a girl and not worry about its consequences;

i would build a garden and cherish its shade;

i would through a party and be the chief entertainer;

i would make friends with everyone and foes with none;

i would just fly and go to my dear ones;

i would think...and it would just happen.......

so why would i want to wake up from that world,

where there is everything in my control?

for all that i had left behind the night before i slept?

that may be right, as i do love those who shower their love on me...

and want to live for them, for so long as the providence helps it...

but just for once, the day i over-slept........

i did not want to come from my dreamy stupor...

i wanted to live for myself and forget about the world...

as soon as i was back to the dreamland,

i saw death staring me in my face....

no color was there, no whiteness either...

it was all so black with none of my dreamland-rules working...

i was only too happy to bid the sleep adieu...

and since then, my sleep hasn't been my best escape

to all the worries that threaten my happy survival...

the idea of nilam k

Edit
taking a straight line is not always profitable...
by Aasif Khanday on Friday, August 12, 2011 at 6:15pm

Not to be cowed down easily,

I thought of an escape from the struggle

Lest it changes me for the worse.

And in a flash, i understood thus:

Moving in a straight line isn't always profitable...

Killing time and abusing it well,

Around my life's journey has fared much.

Kissing a frog would it tantamount,

Ask me if the trend would continue.

Towards a goal of self-aggrandisement

I hope i wont sacrifice my soul....

.........dedicated to all those who have a bright doze of selflessness to their nature...

.........especially to the one that this is intended to...

existence.........

I exist. And i don’t want to know, why?
But i do know that this existence is ‘real’
Whatever we are promised, rough or kind...
That could be real after it materializes.
My senses tell me to enjoy life till then
With this closely embedded in my mind...

Thence many of worries just evaporated
And i began to embark on a detour of world.
Its happiness in reality, and its worries solid wax...
What, if i fail to get glued to one of them
Both put me off, for i fear to remain stuck.
In this state of my mind, which is ever in flux...

But then nothing has ever been definite
In my life’s experience, thus far in the world.
To move around here, without being a bore...
And experience things that i missed thus far.
That is the goal of life, at his moment of time
But still I don’t know, what tomorrow has in store!!!

nocturnal musings...

this i wrote quit a while back...

NOCTURNAL MUSINGS

I was dreaming of a calm wilderness
And thought of visiting an enchanting place
Somewhere in the lush green forests of Australia
And sleep for eternity, in its embrace.

I set forth on the journey in the broad daylight
But reached there in the dead of the night
And I could not find a place where to lie down
So I came back to the lonely, prickly, homely sight.

I wished a sweet sleep to occupy me-
After this hackneyed journey to Australia-
And wanted to get up fresh in the morn
Intact, and with all my paraphernalia.

But could I wonder what happened next!
A thousand times my sleep got disturbed
And I stood up panting and sweating
But went back to sleep, little perturbed.

Yet another night came to irritate me
Once again I was lonely, and made a wish
May He grant me the buxom company?
But He lullabied me to sleeps’ dish.

Thereafter He made me visit his abode
And showed me heaven and the hell
Buxom ones in heaven were dark and ugly
But the ones in hell were sweet, anyone could tell.

Now I was given the choice to choose
Among the either one from the two sections:
The ones from heaven gave me shudders
Though will positively mend my actions.

The ones from hell had my tongue rolling
And I toyed with the idea of having them over
Till I was told that if I thought of doing so
I’d have to give them company, henceforth, forever.

I asked for grand forgiveness from the Lord
For troubling him with my weird wishes
And recalled my mothers’ unique spice
Which turns bitter eatables into sweet dishes.

Let me share that magical spice with you-
For you won’t have this under thousand suns-
‘Whenever you don’t find solace in things,
Go for them keeping in mind your loved ones’.

I had this voluntary bidding secured up my sleeve
And use it if I feel at anytime, troublesome;
To have a nicer run with life, henceforth
And thus add all scratches for a perfect sum.
................................aasif........

kissing mud!!!

this one i would like to think as if it happened the way it may seem to you....
Kissing mud
Finding my feet in the sticky mud
I tried to come out, but fell with a thud
Down I went, with mud all over me
A little of it I tasted, how sour it be!
Someone was observing the show nearby
And her loud laughter made me sigh.
I gazed in her direction, giving a cold stare
But her look made me weak, and I couldn’t dare
To admonish her for that fiendish delight
With my quandary, mud all over my height
I got up confused, and walked towards her
She stopped laughing, in that moments’ spur
I myself, now, had a laugh at my mud-fate
And she pleaded sorry for laughing at my state.
I replied I was okay, but that she had to pay
The price for her behavior in such a way.
She got on edge, and feared the worst
I reveled at her state, till I happily burst
In another round of a restrained, merry laugh
Still in fear and worry, being only five and a half
It was now my turn, humbly, to say sorry
And I politely implored of her not to worry.
I requested, to pour some water over my body;
So that I would cease to look so shoddy
And people won’t find excuses, and be bound,
To go on a laughing spree and fart around.
She gleefully heeded to my timely request
And even rinsed my back, not at my behest.
I thanked her profusely for the help rendered
And we exchanged names, well tendered.
She ended up as my best friend, selflessly helpful;
As we laughed at each other, without being pitiful.
The incident made me nonetheless wiser:
In a hearty, meaningful laugh, don’t be a miser.

A NURSED APPLE LOST

this piece i wrote in a fit of melancholic nostalgia, weighing my life's regrets and misdemeanors.
......
I nursed an apple till it grew ripe
And waited patiently to devour it.
In spite of myself, I could not pluck it.
Then I thought; let me wait till it falls down itself.
I waited, and my craving for it only increased.
It would have been about to fall down,
When I received the terrible caveat:
‘That a storm is coming in that direction
Which may take away everything with it’.
I was not afraid of the storm, for I lay safe.
But still, frantically ran away from the spot.
Why would anything else pluck it out,
When it was I who nursed it for so long?
I did not wait to see if the detestable storm
Really brought down my cherished fruit.
Far away from that green orchard of yore
I am now in scorching deserts, wailing and ranting;
Looking for the storm to implore of it
Did it really take away my apple?