kissing mud!!!

this one i would like to think as if it happened the way it may seem to you....
Kissing mud
Finding my feet in the sticky mud
I tried to come out, but fell with a thud
Down I went, with mud all over me
A little of it I tasted, how sour it be!
Someone was observing the show nearby
And her loud laughter made me sigh.
I gazed in her direction, giving a cold stare
But her look made me weak, and I couldn’t dare
To admonish her for that fiendish delight
With my quandary, mud all over my height
I got up confused, and walked towards her
She stopped laughing, in that moments’ spur
I myself, now, had a laugh at my mud-fate
And she pleaded sorry for laughing at my state.
I replied I was okay, but that she had to pay
The price for her behavior in such a way.
She got on edge, and feared the worst
I reveled at her state, till I happily burst
In another round of a restrained, merry laugh
Still in fear and worry, being only five and a half
It was now my turn, humbly, to say sorry
And I politely implored of her not to worry.
I requested, to pour some water over my body;
So that I would cease to look so shoddy
And people won’t find excuses, and be bound,
To go on a laughing spree and fart around.
She gleefully heeded to my timely request
And even rinsed my back, not at my behest.
I thanked her profusely for the help rendered
And we exchanged names, well tendered.
She ended up as my best friend, selflessly helpful;
As we laughed at each other, without being pitiful.
The incident made me nonetheless wiser:
In a hearty, meaningful laugh, don’t be a miser.

A NURSED APPLE LOST

this piece i wrote in a fit of melancholic nostalgia, weighing my life's regrets and misdemeanors.
......
I nursed an apple till it grew ripe
And waited patiently to devour it.
In spite of myself, I could not pluck it.
Then I thought; let me wait till it falls down itself.
I waited, and my craving for it only increased.
It would have been about to fall down,
When I received the terrible caveat:
‘That a storm is coming in that direction
Which may take away everything with it’.
I was not afraid of the storm, for I lay safe.
But still, frantically ran away from the spot.
Why would anything else pluck it out,
When it was I who nursed it for so long?
I did not wait to see if the detestable storm
Really brought down my cherished fruit.
Far away from that green orchard of yore
I am now in scorching deserts, wailing and ranting;
Looking for the storm to implore of it
Did it really take away my apple?

blah blah! and blah!

in the last few weeks i may have mentioned to a dear friend that i am contemplating suicide if i would not be able to get things straight sooner than they may let me believe. coming from person who would advise a whole generation against the vagaries and childishness of a suicide, this was a shock for both of us. though i may not profess to contemplate that i was only kidding when i told my friend about this nice contemplative misadventure of mine, i think now-in all my senses sitting in the cosiness of my library-that i never toyed with this idea in my individual normal state.
the thing is what am i supposed to do when i am myself responsible for the agony that i find myself in often and on...i have to write to-for instance-in order to make amends in my academic life and thus find myself a semblance of normality in my life. bit that is not the case at this moment of time. sometimes i feel that i could never do a thing in my life that i propose to do before-hand. for a number of reasons therefore, i have begun to feel that it is not a good thing to plan things in advance and instead, strive to enjoy every moment as it happens and let the nature and your life take their own course. what a pleasant surprise it would be if you could get a much cherished thing without planning for it.
lately i have also tried to get the basic contradiction in the relative importance and preference of identity issues having being enmeshed in my life as against my preferences as an individual. i think i have been too involved with those aspects of my life that have a bearing on my own person alone and i tend to make use of such preferences in all aspects of my life and beyond it. that i need to have these two aspects of my life separated and give them their own preferences at different points of time in my life may serve my cause immensely...and may be then, i would never have to think of suicide again as it is bound to give me a purpose in my life;;;

search for a traveller!!!

my biggest inspiration so far in my life was a person of the opposite sex at the university. owing to a number of reasons i could not open my heart out to her and in the process lost out a potential friend, not to speak of a better-half. because that was never on my mind. in the last four months, i have written the maximum number of writeups owing to her influence and inspiration drawn from her. i am indebtd to her for a number of reasons. with the passage of time i may be writing about her many more times to come...here i would write a few lines that i had scribbled on my personal diary a while back...

In the green, charming valleys
Overlooking blue, clear waters,
Sans choas, and sans sorrow
I stood transfixed, with no fetters.
She remained by my side
All through my delusions
I could not fathom how to end
All my unseen, illusions.
That was long ago, before
I used to be a scribbler;
But still could not understand
Who was then, my benefactor.
The serene and pure, and pristine
Valleys and rivers, and hills;
Or the demure beauty by my side
Who occasionaly gave me thrills.
I slowly cosied up to former
Took from it, and gave it all
But the latter was not being easy
Her brain big! her heart so small!
So i continued listening to her,
Did all that she called out for.
But i distanced myself, thence
When she herself, went afar...
I was just a phase in her life
A traveller, with whom she talked a little;
But by then, she became my life,
A traveller, who could have never left me idle!!!

an unlikely inspiration!

so many people meet you in your life who invariably get either into your good books or the bad ones. some act as your inspiration, some act as your friends, some as your well-wishers and there are others who put on different faces on them and it becomes difficult for us to fathom what sort of a position that person actually has in your life. some are out and out your foes and i have little experience of such persons- which begets me to stop blabbering about them as i may find my foot in the wrong mouth. among all my acquaintances, i like those who inspire me to do better in life. usually such persons are close to me; but there are some who i dont know much about, but still adore and respect them for the little things of affection, friendship, gratitude or plain acquaintance that they have showered upon me at different points of time in my life.below i will write down a small writeup which i have written in memory of one such person, whom i hardly know. but a few times i have met her, i have felt something strange towards her. for obvious reasons, i could not like to give away her name; but those smart folks out there who know both of us, may guess from this poetic writeup itself who i am talking about...if she herself finds it out, i hope thiss doesn't embarass or hurt her...
(rejoinder:the jest of theis poem has nothing to do with her; it is all hypothetical)

You were sceptical about me
And had written me off early!
'Got nothing to share with the world
Yearning, still, to attain fame'
As a considerate, acquising fellow
Something made me believe in you-
Except that i followed you blindly-
Noticing such a rection from me
In a flash you changed your stance...

"Born we are with similar features
A brain, two hands, and two legs
Raising the bar above a few notchs
Except the use of brain is but none;
Take my word, go fight for your ideals
House a loving heart to back them up..."

jalta hai kya???

i was not even little disappointed on hearing about the result of net and kas exams in the past one week or so. though i had not participated fully in the kas exam, but i did in the other one and have now been credited with a third successive defeat on this national exam of eligibility for lectureship. there are a number of reasons for my lack of instant disappointment over this failure, but there is sure to arise with the passing of the coming days, a sense of disappointment. that in itself is another matter altogether.
first let me try to identify the causes behind the first reaction-or the lack of it:
1. i had not prepared well for this exam and this goes in sync with my philosophy of everybody needs to be given his due...
2. the second thing is that i am presently outside my home and any sort of failure has to let me make miserable to get a reaction from me--this simply didn't, not at this moment of time.
the second thing may happen due to the assumption that some of my colleagues may have cracked-or may crack in the case of kas-the exam and thus will prove to be a sore in my spine and render me spineless till the time i may get something bigger than these two things...

starting again...

it is after a long time that i have remembered my blog that i created when i was in KU. though i dont know if anybody has ever read my blog or not, but i have every reason to believe that they may do so in the future.
presently, i am in Hyderabad and am going through a very lean phase due to the disturbances back home. i could not get myself glued to books or to any other work of any importance. i keep wasting my time in those pursuits which harm me immensely-personally, academically and psychologically. in the ensuing i days i will recount some of those things that i presently suffer with...