serious confusion

i am in aligarh and am finding it really difficult to the set up that i am in, these days. i am not a student of any university , though i am trying to get admission in a few of the reputed ones. my tension will only subside if that happens at the earliest. otherwise i am destined to indulge in useless pursuitsa like these, spending time on the net ande reading the fucking literature, literally.
besides, i would like to go on na vacation, which is in my mind for a couple of weks now, but that simply does not materialise, largely because of the apprehensions due to the coming independence day.