nocturnal musings...

this i wrote quit a while back...

NOCTURNAL MUSINGS

I was dreaming of a calm wilderness
And thought of visiting an enchanting place
Somewhere in the lush green forests of Australia
And sleep for eternity, in its embrace.

I set forth on the journey in the broad daylight
But reached there in the dead of the night
And I could not find a place where to lie down
So I came back to the lonely, prickly, homely sight.

I wished a sweet sleep to occupy me-
After this hackneyed journey to Australia-
And wanted to get up fresh in the morn
Intact, and with all my paraphernalia.

But could I wonder what happened next!
A thousand times my sleep got disturbed
And I stood up panting and sweating
But went back to sleep, little perturbed.

Yet another night came to irritate me
Once again I was lonely, and made a wish
May He grant me the buxom company?
But He lullabied me to sleeps’ dish.

Thereafter He made me visit his abode
And showed me heaven and the hell
Buxom ones in heaven were dark and ugly
But the ones in hell were sweet, anyone could tell.

Now I was given the choice to choose
Among the either one from the two sections:
The ones from heaven gave me shudders
Though will positively mend my actions.

The ones from hell had my tongue rolling
And I toyed with the idea of having them over
Till I was told that if I thought of doing so
I’d have to give them company, henceforth, forever.

I asked for grand forgiveness from the Lord
For troubling him with my weird wishes
And recalled my mothers’ unique spice
Which turns bitter eatables into sweet dishes.

Let me share that magical spice with you-
For you won’t have this under thousand suns-
‘Whenever you don’t find solace in things,
Go for them keeping in mind your loved ones’.

I had this voluntary bidding secured up my sleeve
And use it if I feel at anytime, troublesome;
To have a nicer run with life, henceforth
And thus add all scratches for a perfect sum.
................................aasif........

kissing mud!!!

this one i would like to think as if it happened the way it may seem to you....
Kissing mud
Finding my feet in the sticky mud
I tried to come out, but fell with a thud
Down I went, with mud all over me
A little of it I tasted, how sour it be!
Someone was observing the show nearby
And her loud laughter made me sigh.
I gazed in her direction, giving a cold stare
But her look made me weak, and I couldn’t dare
To admonish her for that fiendish delight
With my quandary, mud all over my height
I got up confused, and walked towards her
She stopped laughing, in that moments’ spur
I myself, now, had a laugh at my mud-fate
And she pleaded sorry for laughing at my state.
I replied I was okay, but that she had to pay
The price for her behavior in such a way.
She got on edge, and feared the worst
I reveled at her state, till I happily burst
In another round of a restrained, merry laugh
Still in fear and worry, being only five and a half
It was now my turn, humbly, to say sorry
And I politely implored of her not to worry.
I requested, to pour some water over my body;
So that I would cease to look so shoddy
And people won’t find excuses, and be bound,
To go on a laughing spree and fart around.
She gleefully heeded to my timely request
And even rinsed my back, not at my behest.
I thanked her profusely for the help rendered
And we exchanged names, well tendered.
She ended up as my best friend, selflessly helpful;
As we laughed at each other, without being pitiful.
The incident made me nonetheless wiser:
In a hearty, meaningful laugh, don’t be a miser.

A NURSED APPLE LOST

this piece i wrote in a fit of melancholic nostalgia, weighing my life's regrets and misdemeanors.
......
I nursed an apple till it grew ripe
And waited patiently to devour it.
In spite of myself, I could not pluck it.
Then I thought; let me wait till it falls down itself.
I waited, and my craving for it only increased.
It would have been about to fall down,
When I received the terrible caveat:
‘That a storm is coming in that direction
Which may take away everything with it’.
I was not afraid of the storm, for I lay safe.
But still, frantically ran away from the spot.
Why would anything else pluck it out,
When it was I who nursed it for so long?
I did not wait to see if the detestable storm
Really brought down my cherished fruit.
Far away from that green orchard of yore
I am now in scorching deserts, wailing and ranting;
Looking for the storm to implore of it
Did it really take away my apple?

blah blah! and blah!

in the last few weeks i may have mentioned to a dear friend that i am contemplating suicide if i would not be able to get things straight sooner than they may let me believe. coming from person who would advise a whole generation against the vagaries and childishness of a suicide, this was a shock for both of us. though i may not profess to contemplate that i was only kidding when i told my friend about this nice contemplative misadventure of mine, i think now-in all my senses sitting in the cosiness of my library-that i never toyed with this idea in my individual normal state.
the thing is what am i supposed to do when i am myself responsible for the agony that i find myself in often and on...i have to write to-for instance-in order to make amends in my academic life and thus find myself a semblance of normality in my life. bit that is not the case at this moment of time. sometimes i feel that i could never do a thing in my life that i propose to do before-hand. for a number of reasons therefore, i have begun to feel that it is not a good thing to plan things in advance and instead, strive to enjoy every moment as it happens and let the nature and your life take their own course. what a pleasant surprise it would be if you could get a much cherished thing without planning for it.
lately i have also tried to get the basic contradiction in the relative importance and preference of identity issues having being enmeshed in my life as against my preferences as an individual. i think i have been too involved with those aspects of my life that have a bearing on my own person alone and i tend to make use of such preferences in all aspects of my life and beyond it. that i need to have these two aspects of my life separated and give them their own preferences at different points of time in my life may serve my cause immensely...and may be then, i would never have to think of suicide again as it is bound to give me a purpose in my life;;;